i don't even want to sleep tonight

1:33 AM - I don’t even want to sleep tonight
Current mood: blissful

Laying in the hot black liquid surrounding me, surrounding my soul, so quiet, so still, so warm and comforting. The water sang to me, saying let me hold you here for just a while. Let me give you warmth in those dark empty places. Let me fill you up and not want for any more. Open your eyes and see the night sky, see my stars light up just for you, notice the different colors, no two are the same, each is unique just like you. Look in front of you and see my beautiful trees, and mountains and miles and miles of bountiful land leading to my blue ocean waters. The waves are calling you now, come play with me soon.

But I can't go, I have rent to pay so for now I just slink on over to my neighbors outdoor tub and indulge in pure selfish fantasy for just a few moments of sailing the ocean blue to ports unknown. I can't let go of that fantasty, that dream, that goal, that itch that must be scratched. I must go sailing in a not to large boat, one that I can manage on my own or with a captian, and get out on the still ocean water at night and just absorb the universe. That is my goal, that is the picture I want for my vision board, that is the reward of the hardwork that I want to recieve. That is the reward for earning my degree, that is the reward for writing my first book, that is the reward for getting my first teaching job. I realize I have far to go in order to earn that reward but I do want to earn it. If it is handed to me on a silver platter, I might not appreciate it as much and if I don't accomplish the things I want to do before I get that dream, I don't think I would ever come back and finish. I would just keep going, from one port to the next, from one adventure to the next, from one experience to the next.