he did it again

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

5:46 PM - he did it yet again I was so full of inspiration, I had my pencils and sketch book in hand and he stole it away AGAIN. I don't want to break up with him every freaking day. it's not fun telling someone that you loved that they cant fix what is broken. there is NOTHING to revive, it's dead, and in the process of being buried. I was reading old stuff from 2005 the last time I was learning to be alone ( but not in the sense I am now) I was just learning how to live without a lover, I have never not had a lover or partner for more than a week or two since I was 14. Now I don't only not have a partner or lover or husband but my kids have all gone on to lead their own lives as well. So truly I am single now instead of single plus 3. I guess my dogs count becasue they do occupy my time and thoughts in part of the day. And I do have to make sure they are fed and watered and I do have to clean up their messes. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't like what I see right now, I see an aging lonely woman who has "let herself go" and i want to find me again. how to I put windows in those walls and eventually even a door (with the handle on my side only) I don't see the artist/anthropology student that I want to be, I see a girl trapped in an aging body who is a little off of her path and needs to find her way back to the journey.