truth............

11:53 AM - I hate windows, I miss my mac-all the buttons are on the wrong side

I wrote this really intense blog and then hit the wrong button and lost it all damn it. and now it doesn't seem that important now that I have gotten it out of my system but at the same time I think it's an important observation. So I will try again.

I have learned about Truth in my Anthropology class, in science there is no Absolute Truth, we do not posses the capability to prove things to be true in every instance, we can only prove things to be false.

This leads to an interesting perspective on truth, and as many of my friends know I consider myself to be an honest and truthful person. But when and where do you draw the line. Do you share every thing, every thought, every desire, every action or non-action? What constitutes a relationship? Dating is not a relationship, it is a series of events, so i have been told. Dating is new to me I have never done it before. So how do I know when to stop being open to opportunities? What are the boundaries? Do they need to be defined in advance or do we know only when we push them?

I don't want to kill something before it gets a chance to get started but I have to be honest with myself and therefor the people that are important to me. I do want the dream but the dream will be finding me, I am not out searching for it, however I am not gonna sit on my ass and wait for it to knock at the door. I have written before that my prince will know me, and by that I mean will know all of me and still love everybit of it. If he does come knocking and I am not home, he will keep trying until I am.

End of myspace version.

the rest of the story.............

Ok, so where am in this world I have created? What is honesty, real honesty with those you care for? How do I know what to say and when to say it? how do i determine when too much information is just not neccessary, or wanted even?

how do i know what my feelings are if I can't share them? I cant post on here what's really going on in my head, i have to keep some things to myself. I am torn and confused? Which is more important to me? What could be or what is? The fact that someone cares for me is exciting but at the same time if I accept what is for right now am I going to end up in the same place I was a month ago, a year from now? three years from now? 10 years from now? 20 years from now? I don't ever want to go back to that dark place of loneliness and heartbreak and what could be is most definetly a broken heart in the long run. Do I try this happily ever after for now bit again? If I do am i cutting myself off from the good could be's with someone else? Will my prince or my frog really keep trying if I am not immediately available? Do I have to make myself available at all times for him? Am I ruining what could be with someone else by accepting what is here right now?

So there's this frog and this turtle, The frog is great, the frog could be that one true love that has been evading me my whole life. The frog has many other priorities and keeps the fairy at bay, always wondering what if. Now the turtle is there, knocking and knocking at the door, saying come catch me if you can. The turtles priority is my pleasure, the turtle waves extasy infront of me and says it's all yours for the taking, do with me what you will. So what's a fairy to do........ Why couldn't the frog and the turtle be the same? is there a turtle frog out there for me that I am not seeing at this moment? Why can't the frog accept my help with those other priorities and let me make them mine too? and why can't the turtle see that pleasure now leads to pain later?

Oh frogs and fairytales - what could be, will be I guess!

love.............

2:21 PM - Love.................

Love trancends many things, miles, time, obstacles, pain, hurt, other loves, other passions, barriers.

I am falling in love with someone, it's scary, it's exposing, it's naked and It's about time. I am falling in love with me, I am learning to accept the love from my family that I have pushed away for so long. I am learning accept my new role as not every day mom but mom none the less and my role as friend, co worker, sister, daughter, aunt, student, single woman, artist, writer and so much more.

Thanks kids for sticking by me - I love you all so much and hope we can get together soon.

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That guy


Very nice!!! Congrats!!!

Posted by That guy on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 2:55 PM
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rethinking

8:12 PM - rethinking

Someone asked me the other day what my intentions are, how do I really feel about being single? I ve had a couple days to think about this now and taken together with the news of a friends marriage I have really looked within to figure out the answer to the age old question "what do I want out of life".

I guess my actions haven't been lining up to well with my what I say. I say I don't want to get married. I say Happily ever after for NOW. I say I enjoy being single, I say alot of shit. But truth be told........... I want the dream. I want to meet that one special person that knocks all my socks off. The one that can see me for who I truly am. The one that sees through my masks and into my soul and Likes what they see. I want to be swept off my feet and carried away into the sunset with the man of my fantasies. I have to be happy for those that have found it and are able to hold onto it. I thought I had it once and I let it slip away or pushed it away so I am told.

so there it is - the ugly truth.

Now this may turn some current friends away but I have also made one other decision. This is me, this is who I am, I am not going to start hiding parts of myself because they may not be as appealing. I am going to be who I am and the prince will know me and like me.....all of me!