I feel exposed

Why oh why did I share my innermost thoughts, I feel vulnerable and naked. It's scary, what if he never calls again, arrgghh. but then again, this is me, this is who I am, these are the thoughts that roll through my mind, well most of them at least. And If this isn't pleasing then well there it is, doomed to be distant friends. Oh Damn I am very emotional when I don't feel good. Sam was very honest with me this weekend and I have to be proud of that. She loves me, dearly, she knows how much I love her and love being her daughter but she feels that there is no room in my life for her right now and she understands why, she pushed me away for so long that I had to find myself without her and no she doesn't want to "fit" into my world, she wants to make her own world now.

It was harsh to hear these things from a 16 year old. of course if I buy her a car she will come live with me or if I move to San Diego then she will live with me, she would even live on a boat with me but she won't come here to where I am at in my world. So what's a mom to do??? Do I give up all that I have accomplished in the last few months so that I can give in to her wants???

Damn my thoughts are racing and I am sick and I want to feel better :(