3 days without a computer

my passion for writing doesn't go away with a computer, here is 3 days worth of stuff.

Jan 17, 3pm
Wow, I got hit by a truck today. Between classes I went to the goodwill store and as I was walking in I heard this song on the radio, I gotta really warm and tingly feeling that started in my belly and radiated out to the tips of my fingers and my toes. I guess that's why Marvin Gaye was and is still so popular.

Anyhow it got me thinking about us and how we've been talking for a while now building our friendship really taking our time in getting to know each other. I want to get close to you to feel your touch upon my skin, to be led in your arms. I want to fall asleep with you and cuddle up close but there is this new feeling that you and I are developing by not going "there". I know that once we kiss the anticipation will go away and hopefully be replace with that comfortable feeling that couples get after being together for a while. So for now I will try to enjoy the nervousness, the wondering, the curiosity of daydreams and fantasies.

1/18/06 6:57
if I called you every time I thought of you we would never get off the phone. I am listening to one of my favorite CDS Celtic Circle. The sounds are so relaxing, so ancient, peaceful and calming. I find myself drifting off into fantasy land often daydreaming of the day we finally open up to each other, giving you access to my journal is a big step for me, because that (this) journal contains my innermost thoughts. It's a little deeper than the stuff I post on myspace. I edit much out for public viewing.

I am glad you like my story about my vacation last year. I love having that inspired feeling where words just pour from my pen in perfect harmony with my soul. I feel easy is that it only took you to actually read my writings to my interest in you.

I feel like you really want to know me, know my thoughts, see my soul for all it's beauty (and craziness) Your thoughtfully comments on my writings give me pride and encouragement to continue writing my perspectives on life, my insights on myself and the world at large as if I have something valuable to say. Not just because "I" write it but because it has meaning to someone other than myself.

But the fact that we don't discuss how we feel about each other is interesting. You don't comment on my looks or my choice of clothes as if they are insignificant. again, this peaks my interest because I get the feeling that getting laid is not your priority in the is relationship of no relationship and it makes me feel all the more valuable to myself and to you.

I get the feeling that if I had purple hair and green polka dots you would still be excited by me, interested in getting inside my head more so than my body, and since all my previous relationships began as sexual ones this is a new experience to me.

It does not by any means diminish the fact that you turn me on in more than physical ways but also physically. But I have no idea whether this is reciprocated and I wonder if it matters.


Can I, am I am capable of having an intimate relationship without sex? Does that mean I have to find new ways of showing my intimate feelings? my appreciation and desire to know you?

I have so many questions about me and us but if I ask them then it puts our relationship on a different path. a path I have traveled before. Maybe this is the path to the relationship I have always desired by letting someone into my world, my soul, without sharing my sexuality. Maybe it's sex that blocks people from really knowing me. Maybe he just tolerates the person that comes along with it. So in our case maybe we could learn to really know each other and that the sex would be a secondary or even frivolous perk. If you really get to know someone and fall in love without ever having sex would it matter then if the sex was earthshaking? Do I have more to offer than great sex? Would I enjoy it even more if I believed that I was loved without it?
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more later