wishing I was two

Yesterday was a great day - I helped my son move into his new place - It's a beautiful home in a gated community in the new part of IRVINE. I am so very proud of him - he starts his new job tomorrow. His new place is awesome and only a 6 mile bike ride from work - the bus would be an hour and half with a 2 mile walk.

however; when I called Jess to say hi cuz she was on my mind - my heart broke in half - it was parents weekend at school - I didn't know - not that I could have gone in my current situation but I could have tried to pull a plane ticket out of my ass. I felt so bad for her, that must have sucked to have everyone elses parents there all happy and family like and her all alone - I hate my financial situation but it has to be this way for a while for her and I to accomplish our dreams.

I love my kids so very much - and I am so proud of them - they are the light of my life - I may not always show it in the way that they want me too but I know that they know that I love them.

Raising them was so much easier when they were little - I knew what their needs were and i met them (most of the time) but now it's different - they are growing into their own people and it's hard to tell how much mommying I need to do to help them become self sufficient.

They have put up with a boat load of shit from me this year but they know I would give them the skin off my back if they needed it to be successfull and happy. I feel like I have put them through hell lately but I can't feel sorry for myself or them because I guess it was neccessary for all of us - look where we are going now - not that I am excusing the pain away - it has been very painful for all of us. I was unable to meet all of their needs, my needs, jojo's needs and my families and I broke down. It was horrible for everyone - but I got the help I needed and was able to help them finally and now it's all golden.

I am so proud of them I could shit purple bricks - we are strong - we are a family - even though we will all be living in different cities - we are invincible now. I am proud and happy to be their mommy.

Raising babies is easy - easy - easy compared to raising yourself and 3 teenagers at the same time.

Currently listening:
The Other Side of the Mirror
By Stevie Nicks
Release date: By 18 May, 1989