wishing I was two

Yesterday was a great day - I helped my son move into his new place - It's a beautiful home in a gated community in the new part of IRVINE. I am so very proud of him - he starts his new job tomorrow. His new place is awesome and only a 6 mile bike ride from work - the bus would be an hour and half with a 2 mile walk.

however; when I called Jess to say hi cuz she was on my mind - my heart broke in half - it was parents weekend at school - I didn't know - not that I could have gone in my current situation but I could have tried to pull a plane ticket out of my ass. I felt so bad for her, that must have sucked to have everyone elses parents there all happy and family like and her all alone - I hate my financial situation but it has to be this way for a while for her and I to accomplish our dreams.

I love my kids so very much - and I am so proud of them - they are the light of my life - I may not always show it in the way that they want me too but I know that they know that I love them.

Raising them was so much easier when they were little - I knew what their needs were and i met them (most of the time) but now it's different - they are growing into their own people and it's hard to tell how much mommying I need to do to help them become self sufficient.

They have put up with a boat load of shit from me this year but they know I would give them the skin off my back if they needed it to be successfull and happy. I feel like I have put them through hell lately but I can't feel sorry for myself or them because I guess it was neccessary for all of us - look where we are going now - not that I am excusing the pain away - it has been very painful for all of us. I was unable to meet all of their needs, my needs, jojo's needs and my families and I broke down. It was horrible for everyone - but I got the help I needed and was able to help them finally and now it's all golden.

I am so proud of them I could shit purple bricks - we are strong - we are a family - even though we will all be living in different cities - we are invincible now. I am proud and happy to be their mommy.

Raising babies is easy - easy - easy compared to raising yourself and 3 teenagers at the same time.

Currently listening:
The Other Side of the Mirror
By Stevie Nicks
Release date: By 18 May, 1989

October 23 - Inspirational

Your quote of the day for
October 23, 2005

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."

– Rabbi Hillel

this couldnt be more true for me - I am happier than I have been in so very long. I am over jojo - he doesn't even look cute to me anymore :) I feel ready to move on to the next chapter. I am really looking forward to moving back up to the bay area now. I have friends there and there is lots of water for me to practice my sailing until I am ready to sail around the world.

This is gonna be good :)

Woo Hoo I am a Nor Cal girlie once again!

I am woman hear me Roar!

Dear Kymberley, October 22, 2005

Your horizons could be opening up a bit and you might be developing a greater sense of strength, inspiration and direction right now. Some important new doors may soon be opening for you, so be prepared to take advantage of many changing circumstances that could benefit you in any number of ways.

Your quote of the day for October 22, 2005

"We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn." – Mary Catherine Bateson

Lately, my horoscope has had amazing accuracy -

Oct 23 - Nov 21 You have lots of friends, but you may be seeking something that one individual cannot provide. As the search goes on, you're getting close.

When I told my mom of my move to my sisters she wasn't overly excited for me - infact she offered me her home in Ohio - It was something to think about and through my research I found that I would have to give up my free education in order to take advantage of her generous offer. So instead of telling her no, I asked her to pay for my tuition at University of Cincinnatti. She had to gracefully decline. It made things so much better for me. By going about things the way I did, I was able to gain a clear, guilt free path to the next adventure in my life. I am focused on my education and I don't have to feel guilty about that. I know what I want, I know I am capable and I know what to do to make it happen; I also have the strength to make it a reality!

I feel so damn good right now, Like my heart is not torn and shredded lying on the floor anymore but inside me, I am complete, I am whole and my heart is healing inside and throbbing and beating with an amazing life force. I know who I am, and where I am going and what I am doing with my life for the first time in over a year. These last few months have been horrible since Jojo dropped his bomb, but I have grown, healed and put on some armour for the next time.

I couldn't be happier for my kids, Rex with his new job in OC and his assistance from his father, Sam, moving in with her father and Jess, gaining her indepedence and identity in NY. Things seem to be coming together for me and not becuase some man rescued me but because I have weathered the storm ALONE and I am still standing with more fortitude than ever before.

I am strong, I am woman, hear me ROAR!

happy for Rex

- WooooooHooooo I am so happy!
Current mood: accomplished

My son got the job of his dreams today - He will be working for Blizzard Entertainment - The maker of his favorite video games. He is going to be moving in with his father (or paternal grandma) in Orange County very shortly.

he is going on to the next chapter in his life where he actually becomes his own man. I couldn't be prouder of him or his dedication and commitment to his dreams. Congrats buddy. Love you bunches.

Good Bye San Diego

Good bye San Diego
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life

Well, I studied the pro's and con's and several different outcomes, and I have decided that it is time to move on away from my love for the ocean, away from my mom, away from family, away from the memories of lost loves. I am returning to one of my favorite places, the San Franciso Bay Area. It is very hard for me to let go of my love for the ocean but I keep telling myself that Santa Cruz is only a day trip away. I will have the delta, the bay, the russian river, and those long drives that I loved to take when the kids were little.

Sam will be closer to her dad, and tony and katie and i will be helping my sister, something I have always wanted to do. I will have the opportunity to be a real Aunt to my neice and nephew and brother-in-law is on a mission to find me a man worthy of my love. This has been one of longest decisions I have ever made - taking my time to really think about the consequences either way.

There is a faery tradition clan right there in Antioch that i have been very interested in for a couple of years whom I would love to write for. The college has a pretty good art department, and my current teachers are behind my move, allowing me to finish the semester via email.

I have made some really good friends here but I also have friends in the Bay Area that have stood by me the 10 years I have been gone and are still waiting for my return. It's not like I am running away to an unknown place, I am returning to a place I ran from 10 years ago.

I hope that my friends will support me and stop by my continuous yard sale or grab a box and help me pack. :)

Thanks San Diego for a great 4 years but now it's time to move on.

Swimming with dolpins!

On my way to catalina, i experienced one of the most magical moments in my life, solidifying my belief that I must have been a mermaid in a previous or future life.

We sailed at night to catalina, the red tide was still lingering and the bait fish were lighting up the harbor with their trials of flourescent green sparkles. About an hour into the trip the moon started to rise behind us. It slowly lingered over the Camp Pendleton Mountains with it's gingerly grin, reminesinct of the Chesire Cat. There it was, this huge orange cheesy grin laying ontop of the mountains. It was easy to see how the artist got the idea for the cheshire cat, but as I looked ahead towards the bow I saw the flourescent green sparkles again. These were much bigger trials though and as I got closer to the bow I realized what I was witnessing. There were 6 dolphins swimming with the boat right at the bow, racing us as we sped along the calm ocean. There were four larger ones, two on portside and two on the starboard and along with them were two smaller ones that kept jumping from side to side infront of the boat. The littelest one would roll over and flip his flipper at me from time to time. They kept up with us over twenty minutes and truly gave me a show. I talked to them as I always do any sort of life form. I felt as if I were swimming right along with them. In all the years that the others had been on the sea they had never seen anything like it. It was true beauty in it's purest form. No need for tv for me; give me this reality anyday.

a wonderful article

I just got done reading a great article that I found on witchvox about being a pagan republican and this guy/girl hit it on the head. I couldn't have said it any better myself. I have been struggling lately with my stance on politics. I rarely listen to anyone but Rush anymore. It seems Rush is the only one who doesn't flaunt his christian beliefs in his conservative message. yes he is christian and he thanks god for his talent however he keeps his beliefs his own and doesn't denegrate differing views, as long as they are conservative government that is. So I sit here with my small government, let the states decide their own fate, freedom of religion beliefs with no place to lay my head or stand my flag. I wonder if there will be a large split in the party soon because of Bush's lack of Border Patrol and the automatic inclusion with right wing extremists. Is there a civil war brewing? Are the christians going to get so fed up that they feel they must fight to protect their God. Having been a leader in the christian movement in the midwest I really have to wonder what they are rallying their troops for these days. Are all pagans going to be cast out? is Paranoia setting in ?

http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usfl&c=words&id=10005

My descriptive paragraph of the fairy pond

The Fairy Pond

Being close to the natural earth soothes my soul, I find solace in the chaotic beauty of Mother Earth and her limitless varieties of life; I have found one particular spot of her that has captured my soul. On a turnout from the curvy, and sometimes dangerous Pacific Coast Highway, halfway between Monterey and Big Sur, there is a magical gathering of the mountain forest and the rugged ocean shore. When you pull off at this turnout you only need walk but a few steps to be thrust into another world. The rock formations coming down the crook of two mountains are smooth as glass from the constant flow of water from a fresh water spring above. The water flows into a pool, right there at the beginning of the trial. You can sit on the rocks and look into your reflection and beyond, for it seems the pool is endless in it’s depth and reaches all the way down to ocean below you just on the other side of the highway. There are times when you can hear this quiet little babbling brook and the crash of the waves at the same time. Vines swing down from the trees with these beautiful little white flowers while they shower the area with their subtle fragrance. The trees have long leaves that hang over the pond that filter the sunlight with movement; the shadows shift constantly, adding to the ethereal sense of this other world. There are several varieties of botanical greenery along the pond, which houses many of it’s own life forms, including frogs, fish and many little and unseen creatures. I imagine this to be a perfect setting for a colony of fairies, so I often visit this place either physically or through memory to get inspiration for my fairy stories and artwork. My visits remind me of Mother Nature’s chaos and beauty, which helps me find beauty in the chaos of my own life.

The Fairy Pond is up and running again!

Woo Hoo! The fairy pond is up again and I am renewing my dedication to the site - I hope all of you will visit my little corner of heavan often. http://thefairypond.com

the fairy pond......where beautiful creatures are found!