what color is a broken heart

everything seems so dulled right now - how could I have let my heart open this wide only to be slammed shut yet again. This feels like an endless ride that hurts. It starts out so wonderful and open and honest and ends so empty and cold and truthfull

the sad thing is that I am happy for him, I know that he is going to have a wonderful, happy, successfull life, with little kids and a wife and his world will be all that it was meant to be.

I know I will happy again too, I have my school, my dogs, my kids, my sister but damn this hurts down to the very depths of my soul, it physically is making me sick to my stomach, isn't there a pill for this. can't we fast forward through the pain. OUCH it hurts damn it.

So mr. Man if you are still watching me, the one with the salt and pepper hair that brightens my smiles and gives me hope that my loneliness will end someday, I am here, working out the kinks and trying to stop the bleeding from this wound.

I hope you know who you are and I hope that you call me, the number is in my file. It's not that I want to jump into someone elses arms but a warm hug sure would feel really good right now. I won't get lost, I didn't this time. I knew it was temporary and now it has ended. I am dealing with it quite well considering..... I know what I want out of life and I know how to get it and I am going about that every day. I intend to continue my education, get my degree and travel the world.

I can't mend the broken heart that I have and neither can anyone else but I can build a new one - I just don't know what color it should be?