only the dragonlady knows

is it possible - could you have sensed what was happening? i find it odd that you reached out to someone when I was calling out for a someone to reach inside. Could it have been me? Or am i just setting myself up for failure right now. is it even healthy to be thinking these thoughts. If it is a open hand I would gladly take it although a little cautiously but still I have wanted this for so long. Not even neccisarily you but someone like you. Some one my own age, with thier own life that I don't have to fix or save or rescue. Someone to share in the joys of the birds chirping out side my window, the beautiful colors of the wildflowers that overtaking my fence. The ocean in the dark of the night. Maturity and the gray hairs. the understanding of true and pure friendship with no strings to be pulled. Oh wouldn't it be great if you were just you and I were just me minus all the other crap that we threw in there. I am in need of a friend right now. Someone who can relate to the inward spiral and the outward spiral and the upward and downward spiral all happening at the same time. Both of our lives have changed so very much, is it possible to start from today, to clear away all the ugliness that we both created for eachother? Am I dreaming unrealistically? Am I inviting pain? well shit isn't it time to let go of all that? I think (which isn't saying much) that we have so much to offer in the friendship world just you and me, dancing in the moonlight, toasting to the sun, and finding a little solice in this crazy messed up world. But then again maybe I am wrong. I will wait for a nod.

From what I heard you think I did something to hurt you recently and i have to tell you from every bone in my body that I didn't. I could have but I cared more about the project than getting revenge. I cared more about the team than getting the win. The file still sits in my cabinet never signed, never an effort to make it come true. Oh there were thoughts but I put them aside for the greater good and putting the pettiness aside. All in hopes that you would know, I couldn't every really do anything to hurt you. But someone else did and put my name out there as a possible suspect. I may have had motive but not the means, the balls or desire to tear you down. I just wanted you to notice me in my absence. I just want you to notice me now.