sunflower

I close my eyes to see you; i see a sunflower reaching for the source of it's energy, defying gravity and urging its way to her, so i can show you my face completely, feed me with your ight, drench me in your morning dew, love me with your warmth and engergixe my soul. I don't' feel as if I can be so open any more I feel as if I am being watched now and I can't speak my mind, I feel choked like the oxygen is slowly leaving the room and I will just fade away back into the earth.

I just got a shot of energy my eyes are open and I see love I see us walking on the beach at sunset I see us sitting on our patio overlooking the vineyard watching the sun rise. I see you walking with me in orange groves under the stars basking in the glow of the full moon. I see us playing with our penny lane in the fields watching her chase dragonflies as we roll in the grass down the hill like kids.

I see us sitting on the edge of the plane together holding hands with our feet dangling out the door 13,000 feet above ground as we lean forward and dive in the deep blue sky. Nothing but our love to hold us together as we dance amoung the clouds and then deploy into the great big swing as skipping over the trees and the lake and land safely back on Mother Earth. As much as I love to leave the ground I truly enjoy my return home, where I belong, on the ground with sand between my toes and seaweed in my hair.

This new venture will change our lives completely in so many more ways that we can imagine at this time. I never thought I would find a place that I would consider dying in. I always saw myself on the go traveling to unkown worlds until my dying days, never getting too attached to anyone place ever again. But I can see my dreams realized in this new place. I see my own world taking my attention. Maybe I will become a better mother, girlfriend See I don't feel comfortable writing like this anymore because I am afraid of certain people reading it. WTF when did this happen, this isn't me. Is it the strange stalker that zapped my confidence or recent situations that have made me guarded. I hope I am not building new walls, I had such a hard time tearing them down.

I guess if someone is reading this - you probably don't care about my feelings anyway - you are probably more interested in the more superficial things in life. Well lets see, the new antibiotics and anti inflammatories knock my ass out, even though it's only for a couple hours at a time the other couple hours I am awake I can't seem to come out of the fog. oh yeah no feelings just facts. I woke up at 5 am spent 2.5 hours working on the computer on a 3 sample template and my latest sketch. Took the kids to school, dropped off the part for the other car so the it could be fixed, came back home worked a couple more hours on the computer, and slept about 2 hours, got back on the computer, etc etc alll day, I had 4 glasses of chocolate milk and one bowl of cocoa puffs. I walked to Taco Bell in the evening and had a mexican pizza and read the news paper, I walked to the store twice to get a soda.

I finished two entire sites in less than 3 full days, I have created about 35 new images this week and onve very large art piece. I am happy with my success for the week. I want the energy I had yesterday, where does it go when it goes so quickly like that.

My eyes are closing again - and I welcome it so I can see you again. come to me