Cleaning up my friends list

1:01 PM - more cleaning of the list
Current mood: contemplative

I have yet again cleaned up my list - I removed stupid bands that have local shows in far away places that I don't really care about and stupid people that I have either never talked to or wouldn't want to talk to again and others that I just don't know who they were which leaves me with about 125 close associaltes. Isn't it funny that I have serious conversations with my kids who sit on the other side of the wall from me via a posting board on the internet - Communciation has really taken a step backwards in someways. I visited some old profiles to day of people I once knew -

There has been this nagging at my heart ever since i got stupid drunk last month and couldn't stop talking about how much I miss someone that I use to know and admire. Her latest pictures have her looking more beautiful than ever, happy and at peace - that makes me feel good in side. I have been lighting candles for the past week - sending my miracle energy her way -

I hope that one day she will find the peace of mind that she so seemed to miss when I knew her. I hope that one day she will look back and say nice things about me (but I seriously doubt it) I wish we could go shopping together again and hang out in random places enjoying the chaos of life together but I know that isn't going to happen in this lifetime. I wish that my cleansing ritual would release me from the toxins that have infiltrated my being. I wish that my passion would be sparked again and that my sense of belonging and being needed would return. I wish that those who were close to me could see inside me and the feel my sorrow for things left unsaid. I wish I could return to the days when my only desire was to create something beautiful from nothing
- Right now my days are consumed with a leaking roof, a cold pool and puppy piss on my socks. My free time is consumed with reading and studying and my nights filled with tossing and turning wondering where the year went and what the next one will bring. I am tired of being in pain - physically and emotionally!